He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not
by SarahBelikova99
Summary: Set in Spirit Bound, post the fight in the church scene. Adrian and Rose have broken up on good terms and Tasha was caught killing the Queen. Dimitri has regained his Guardian status and now he wants to visit his family. The only problem? Rose has to go with him. ADOPTED FROM SHINIROZA.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- Ok Hi Fanfiction goers! Before I get any complaints, I have adopted this story from ShiniRoza. I hope you can enjoy what I've done! For all you people who decided to give this story a chance, I welcome you and promise you won't be disappointed (hopefully...) but I strongly recommend you read the first few chapters which are directed through a link on my profile because I have started off exactly where ShiniRoza left off. **

**For all you old readers, I hope you can give me a chance! :) My style of writing differs from ShiniRoza. The first being my chapters are extremely long...those of you who know me, know that. But I'll try and limit myself to only 2,000 words per chapter for He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not. I'm sorry this took so long to get up but you can expect regular updates for this fic. Abeit not right away but it will come. I hope you enjoy it!  
**

I walked upstairs going to get changed because I don't think sparring in pajamas was the best idea even if it could be done. I quickly threw on a pair of black short shorts and a blood red tank top. I pulled my hair back into a tight French braid and internally prepared myself for what was about to come.

We were only sparring right? That could do no harm. I wasn't afraid of what the outcome might be for that, but the outcome emotionally. Being in such close contact with the man I still loved with everything in me, touching him, but not having him reciprocate nearly killed me.

It's a wonder that I didn't say no because I would've immediately if it weren't for Paul who asked. I couldn't resist, he was just so innocent and oblivious to what was really happening between his uncle and me. For all he knew, he thought we were still together.

Taking a few deep breaths, I braced myself and put on that guardian mask and kept my face hard, showing no emotion. I told myself all emotions were going to be cut off, and I wasn't going to feel for the time being.

As I walked down the stairs, Viktoria gave me a small smile, sympathy shining through in her eyes. I gave her a glance to let her know that I had acknowledged her and moved to the front door, opening it. I stepped out and felt the morning sunlight on my bare skin. It felt honest to god good and I had missed it. The rays felt good and my skin absorbed them like a sponge absorbs water.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" I jumped hearing the voice that has constantly come to ring in my ears. I turned around to see the man I was going to be sparring a few minutes.

"Yeah it sure is isn't Belikov?" I kept my face hard as understanding shot through those deep brown pools that I made a reference to us to once. His eyes flickered to me and stared me down looking for something but I don't know what.

"Aunt Roza!" I heard Paul's voice call as he came bounding out of the house. I let myself smile as he ran up to me and grabbed my arm pulling me to the backyard. There mats were laid on the asphalt and a pool was situated to one side of the yard.

"I'm sure you're going to win Aunt Roza!"

"Thank you Paul but I'm sure your Uncle has more tricks pulled up his sleeve that he never taught me. I bet he's just waiting to use them on me." Talking about Dimitri like this, so carefree and easy was really hard. I worked to let my words no show to broken heart I was feeling through the false bravado I put up.

"You'll do just fine Roza. Remember that time you finally beat me during the field experience?" Said, said person.

I smiled tightly and nodded sharply. His affectionate nickname for me tore me to pieces and talking about us like nothing was wrong was killing me internally. How could he not think that it would? I mean, look at how I reacted to him asking us to be _friends? _Did he think reminiscing would do me a little good and take my mind of him? If anything it made me think of him more and the experience that came after the fight.

No Rose. I promised myself that I _would not_ let this interfere with our fight. I promised myself my emotions would be locked away until I could handle them again. Not now Rose, not again. He won't hurt you again. You won't let him. Just get through this fight, call Lissa and you can go home. Easy as 1, 2, 3.

I took my place on the mat, immediately hopping into my offensive stance, Dimitri mirroring mine. I was acutely aware of the scent that filled my senses, and often shut my brain off on more than one occasion. But I was determined not to let that sweet musky aftershave get in my way.

For the first while we circled each other, trying to get a sense of what the other might do. I watched Dimitri's face closely, to see if he gave off any indication of what he might try. Even though I told myself no, I couldn't help myself from studying his face. It was probably the last time I might get to and I was going to savour it, no matter how much it killed me.

His hair; the silk threads running through my fingers was one of the best feelings in the world and I would never forget what it felt like. My fingers would always yearn for it and nothing would ever compare. His forehead; which had a few stress lines and worry lines. Oh how I used to trace them and wished them away. And sometimes it worked, when we were all alone. Like in the cabin, I traced my finger along them and saw Dimitri relax under my touch, the lines disappearing.

His eyes; the brown orbs that I could stare into forever and wouldn't mind getting lost in. Eyes that held a million words that would not be uttered. Eyes that once held love and passion for me.

My eyes made their way down to his smooth cheeks that I would just be content with stroking and his nose, I would enjoy nuzzling with my own and whispering sweet nothings into the other's ear. My eyes finally made their way down to his lips.

They were plump, rosy and just kissable. I lived for his moving along mine in perfect harmony. Our lips would glide over the others in a sealed promise. The kisses that were sometimes allowed but most that were forbidden. When his lips would ghost over mine in a sly smile, the smile that he rarely did, goosebumps arose over my skin.

The laugh that would come from that mouth was deep, and was full of intensity. It was even rarer than a half smile and I would be so overjoyed when I heard it, especially being the one to cause it.

But the thing I missed the most was him whispering to me that he would always care about me, he would always be there for me, he would always love me.

While I was busy studying and mourning what I had lost for good this time, I didn't notice his hand whip out and grab onto my waist, pushing me backwards and tripping me with his foot. Luckily I reacted fast enough and grabbed onto him and spun us around with all my might. I threw my fist out at his face and he caught it. While I still had the momentum going, I delivered a roundhouse kick to his stomach to which he blocked with the palm of his hand.

He grabbed the underside of my calf and yanked me forwards. I dropped to a crouch and stuck a foot out, tripping him when he moved backwards. But he rolled over and straddled me, pushing me back down to the ground. I aimed an uppercut to his jaw and he blocked.

Series of punches and kicks were exchanged, all heavy blows. Some landed but most deflected. We were too evenly matched.

Dimitri held nothing back on me as I realized this soon enough when his fist slammed into my jaw, not breaking but serious enough to cause major bruising tomorrow. I saw the apology in his eyes and his hesitated for a moment. That was all I needed to flip us over and I straddled him, locking his legs to the ground with my own. I struggled to restrain both his arms with just one of mine but thankfully I did it. And with that, I placed my hands over his chest, signaling that I had staked him and our fight was over with.

My hands were still laid on his chest, fingers splayed wide while I laboured to breathe. Dimitri's hands found my hips and held me there, almost afraid if I was going to fall off him. Our legs were still tangled together and I still straddled him though not on his stomach anymore. I had moved up unintentionally so my butt was now on his on upper stomach.

My shirt had ridden up so a good amount of skin showed and it was dishelved. My top rode low and a good portion of my own chest spilled out. I was still leaning over Dimitri so he got an eyeful. My lips were dangerously close to Dimitri and I leaned in closer, wanting it so bad.

Then I remembered the last time we were like this. The cabin. All I could feel was his touch, all I could hear was his strong heartbeat, all I could see was him, all I could taste was his kiss. His every touch ignited a fire within me and made it hard to breathe.

Dimitri leaned in closer and I noticed a droplet running down his cheek. When I looked in his eyes I didn't see any trace of hurting, all I saw was confusion. And that was then I realized, _I _was the one who let loose that tear.

Quick as lightning, I jumped off him and ran around the house and up to Viktoria's room. I slammed the door and slid down to the floor. It was just too much. I couldn't handle it. I thought I could, but I can't.

Him not being able to love me, him not reciprocating. It killed me on the inside. The tears slid down my face freely. I made no sound as I cried.

It was just too much.

The door rapped and I jumped up, hastily wiping away the tears with the back of my hand. I heard a voice call, "Rose?"

**A/N- Alright, so will you tell me how I did? I know I could never be the same as Shini but I'll try my best to. Please review and tell me what I did good and what was not so good so I can fix that for next chapter. Also was the length good? Ok, review!  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N- Oh god guys, I'm sorry this took so long to get up. I kind of got sidetracked because I was supposed to write it two weeks ago but Silver Shadows just overtook me. Since two weeks ago I've read the book about 5 times and each time I do I want to chuck my copy at the wall. I've been overanalysing everything! Ok no spoilers but I will tell you that it will BLOW YOUR MIND! Anyone who has read it and would like to have a fangirl moment with me, just drop me a PM or leave it in a review. I would love to talk to you about it and one of my favourite topics. **

**Ok book talk over, now I hope you enjoy this chapter! Near the end of the chapter it will be in DPOV and all conversation will happen in Russian. Before the AN at the bottom there is the last part of the chapter in English.**

* * *

_Previously; _

_Dimitri leaned in closer and I noticed a droplet running down his cheek. When I looked in his eyes I didn't see any trace of hurting, all I saw was confusion. And that was then I realized, I was the one who let loose that tear. _

_Quick as lightning, I jumped off him and ran around the house and up to Viktoria's room. I slammed the door and slid down to the floor. It was just too much. I couldn't handle it. I thought I could, but I can't. _

_Him not being able to love me, him not reciprocating. It killed me on the inside. The tears slid down my face freely. I made no sound as I cried._

_It was just too much. _

_The door rapped and I jumped up, hastily wiping away the tears with the back of my hand. I heard a voice call, "Rose?"_

I walked over to the door, calming myself. I opened it to reveal a sad smiled old woman standing in front of me.

"Yeva?" I asked, surprised. I honestly hadn't seen this coming.

"Don't act so shocked child. Now let me in." I stepped aside at her words, letting her pass through. Yeva took a seat on the bed and gestured with her hand that I take a seat over at the desk.

I sat down and looked at the old woman, silently begging her to say something. To break this spell of stillness. That was her specialty or something right? I was nervous, my humor tactic only came out when I was nervous as a false bravado to what I was really feeling.

"You are so brave child. But I fear all of this is not over yet. You still have a long ways to go, especially with that idiot of a grandson of mine." I gulped and she must have noticed my panic stricken face because she said, "It's long from over. But what you will do to stop that is cloudy. It lingers faintly but you won't see the immediate truth. The path you have ahead of you is full of pain and grief stricken my child."

I looked down at my hands in my lap and smiled through the hurt of hearing that. I felt the tears burn the back of my eyes and had no reason to not let them loose anymore. I was just so tired. Tired of all this hurt and pain. Tired of this roundabout. Just tired.

I didn't stop the tears that freely ran down the sides of my cheeks. I felt my shirt collar getting soaked but I frankly didn't care anymore. I let out a strangled hiccupping sound and looked up at Yeva. I pleaded with her through my eyes, pleaded with her to give me a different fate, anything but that.

She discreetly shook her head and held sympathy in her eyes, and that's when I knew this was set in stone. It was only a matter of when I would travel down that road and how much baggage I would take with me. This realization brought on a new wave of tears and I didn't stop the arms that wound arms me. Instead I wrapped my own around her, craving that touch, that piece of comfort. Knowing that I wasn't in this alone.

When I was sure that I wasn't going to bust a dam anymore, I looked at Yeva gratefully, silently and verbally thanking her for all that she'd done for me. it might not seem like much but with what I was getting know, this seemed like the best thing that's ever happened to me. I never knew how much I'd crave that touch, until I'd lost it.

Up until now I've always taken it for granted. Whether it was the hugs I got every day from Lissa, or the smile from Christian and even the occasional comforting hand on my arm from my mother. But what I missed the most were the touches of affection when we trained in the gym, just him and I. Even when we got hurt and we helped each other clean and fix ourselves up. The light brush of fingers on my knees brought butterflies to my soul.

"I'm- I'm going to stay here for a little while if that's okay?" I asked Yeva. She nodded understanding my need to be alone. I swiped at my eyes, getting rid of any lingering tears. "Can you make sure no one comes up? I don't need anyone's sympathy now." Trying to put on that false bravado. Yeva smiled, shaking her muttering something in her native tongue but most likely along the lines of stubborn woman.

The door closed softly behind me and I lied down on the bed, trying to sort my emotions out. I knew Dimitri said over and over again the reason he couldn't love was because he was incapable of loving again, or any other emotion. But I didn't believe that. Somewhere under all that guilt he was harbouring in his heart, was the old Dimitri. The Dimitri I knew. The Dimitri that loved me.

It shone through when he saw his family. If he was incapable of feeling happiness, which was an emotion, he wouldn't have acted the way he did. Love poured through at the reconnection of family. _Love. _He wasn't incapable. He was guilty I soon realized.

But I told him time and time again, I have forgiven him for what he had done. That wasn't him. When he was Strigoi was the time he was incapable of emotions because he didn't have a soul. He was just a shell of what and who Dimitri was. A cold, evil, murdering shell. But that's who he was. _A shell. _An imitation.

I can't go on living like this. This way with all the hurt and pain of those four words and the idea of him wanting us to be friends. We could never be _friends. _The connection we had was too strong for friendship. I'd forgiven him long time ago, it was now his turn to forgive himself and I was going to make sure he did. Even if it killed me in the process, at least I'd die knowing the man I love and will always love can finally be happy.

* * *

**DPOV**

I tried calming myself, breathing in deep breaths. I told her I didn't love her anymore. I told her with an argument. Like I was convincing myself instead of her. But it was a fat lie. I couldn't hurt her again. I know she's told me over and over again that she's forgiven me but how can she? How could she truly forgive the monster I had become? What I did to her? I used her, I taunted her. I couldn't forgive myself for all that I had done.

The way she'd looked at me when we were on the mats, done our spar, held so much hurt and pain that I could barely see the love and sparkle that used to fill her eyes. Having her body pressed against mine felt like coming home. It was where I belonged and where I wanted to stay but I could not. I wouldn't let myself hurt her again.

She was not the only one hurting too. It pained me to know that my Roza was forever gone from me now and I had no chance of getting her back. I thought I'd taken the right step when I asked her to be friends, that way we could still be close without those complications. But the way she had looked at me, with resentment and fury and disbelief almost had me sinking to my knees begging for her forgiveness.

The way she jumped off from off me, like I was the most repulsive thing on the earth- which I suppose could be true- almost had me in tears. Instead I pounded my fists against the mat repeatedly.

"_Yebat'_!" I cursed, not caring I still had an audience. I heard a gasp and looked up seeing my 10 year old nephew looking scared. A look I never wanted to put on his face and knowing I was the cause of it enraged me further. I wasn't supposed to scaring him; I was supposed to be reassuring him, making him feel loved. Is this what the male figure in his life is supposed to be? I don't want Paul to be like this when he grows up. What kind of role am I setting?

But right in this moment I couldn't seem to care. I lost my one chance at gaining her back. I glanced at my eldest sister, asking her with my eyes to take everyone out of the room. I had to be alone right now. As soon as everyone was out of eyesight I walked over to the punching bag and beat the shit out of it. Literally it was nothing when I was finished with it. I gave it one last punch and the bag's chains broke free, the heavy weight slamming to the ground.

"Wow Dimka, I knew you were strong but not that strong. For goodness sake's you were the one who hung that up." I turned around to find my youngest sister standing with her arms crossed.

I turned back towards the bag, planning on picking it up, not on fighting my sister who initiated it by jumping on my back and locking her arms around my neck. She grabbed my shoulder and pulled me down, throwing me to the floor. She jumped on me and pinned my arms and legs with her own limbs. I didn't try and stop her; I knew what was coming next.

"Ty ublyudok Dmitriy Belikov. Ublyudok!" Viktoria pounded her fists against my stomach moving her way slowly up to my chest. "Vy ne imeli prava delat', chto s ney! Ona vse yeshche lyubit vas, vy znayete? I vy idete, i razbit' yey serdtse."

"Vika-"

"Net, vy poslushayte menya Dimitri Aleksandr Belikov, kak vy smeli sdelat' eto dlya neye posle togo, chto ona sdelala dlya vas! Chert poberi Dmitriy ona byla toy, kto spas tebya ne yeye podruga ! Otkroyte vashi proklyatyye glaza i uvidet', chto!"

She slapped me. Now that I wasn't expecting. "A potom, kogda vy razdavil yeye serdtse i pechat'yu na nem, chtoby imet' nerv, nerv, chtoby sprosit' yeye , chtoby byt' druz'yami. YA posmotrel na vas, no seychas ya ne dumayu, chto ya mogu. Ty trus Dmitriy i otkrovenno, ya razocharovan. V vas i na to, chto ty moy brat . YA ozhidal luchshe ot vas."

I winced at that. No one ever wanted to be degraded like that and to have my sister say she wished she wasn't related to me anymore slapped reality into me.

Vika got up from me and shook her head disdainfully at me and her upper lip turned up in disgust. "Srazu poluchit' chertov klyuch i chto-to s etim delat'. Roza ne zasluzhivayut togo, chtoby bol'no, kak, chto, osobenno takim obrazom."

* * *

**TRANSLATIONS**

"You're a bastard Dimitri Belikov. A bastard!" Viktoria pounded her fists against my stomach moving her way slowly up to my chest. "You had no right to do that to her! She still loves you you know? And you go and break her heart."

"Vika-"

"No you listen to me Dimitri Aleksander Belikov, how dare you do that to her after what she's done to you! Damn it Dimitri she was the one who saved you not her friend! Open your damned eyes and see that!"

She slapped me. Now that I wasn't expecting. "And then after you crushed her heart and stamped on it to have the nerve, the nerve, to ask her to be friends. I looked up to you but now I don't think I can. You're a coward Dimitri and frankly I'm disappointed. In you and the fact that you're my brother. I expected better from you."

I winced at that. No one ever wanted to be degraded like that and to have my sister say she wished she wasn't related to me anymore slapped reality into me.

Vika got up from me and shook her head disdainfully at me and her upper lip turned up in disgust. "Go get a fucking clue and do something about it. Rose doesn't deserve to hurt like that, especially in that way."

* * *

**A/N- There is the second chapter and wow am I blown away by the response the first chapter has gotten so far.**

**Thanks to **Iolanthe Ivashkov** (love the name btw), **Fawnleap, gcgemz, rainbows are real, VAForever, Rhe505, SadisticallyDelicious, Macking21, roza m belicova, Dimka's chick, Ginerva Annabeth Herondale, bonnie (guest), Thebooklife, Candy026,amorsagirl, Brooke (guest), Guest, XxxRosmitrixxX, sara. , Abigael Ryan**, and **guest** for reviewing chapter one!**

Keep reviewing, I love it! And special thanks to Abigael Ryan for providing all the Russian translations for me.

** Also a huge thanks to everyone who put this story on their favourite and follow lists. It's made me really happy when I check my inbox and I see that a new person is following, has reviewed or favourited HLMHLMN. **

**Ok review! **


	3. Chapter 3

_Previously; _

"_You're a bastard Dimitri Belikov. A bastard!" Viktoria pounded her fists against my stomach moving her way slowly up to my chest. "You had no right to do that to her! She still loves you you know? And you go and break her heart."_

"_Vika-"_

"_No you listen to me Dimitri Aleksander Belikov, how dare you do that to her after what she's done to you! Damn it Dimitri she was the one who saved you not her friend! Open your damned eyes and see that!"_

_She slapped me. Now that I wasn't expecting. "And then after you crushed her heart and stamped on it to have the nerve, the nerve, to ask her to be friends. I looked up to you but now I don't think I can. You're a coward Dimitri and frankly I'm disappointed. In you and the fact that you're my brother. I expected better from you."_

_I winced at that. No one ever wanted to be degraded like that and to have my sister say she wished she wasn't related to me anymore slapped reality into me. _

_Vika got up from me and shook her head disdainfully at me and her upper lip turned up in disgust. "Go get a fucking clue and do something about it. Rose doesn't deserve to hurt like that, especially in that way."_

**RPOV**

The ink smudged as a droplet of water dropped on it and I hastily wiped it away. This was the last time I would let myself cry like this. As I wrote the last sentence I let my heart break one more time, knowing that after I left, I would be well on my way to the road of recovery. Or so I hoped. I refused to hurt anymore, and even though Yeva said it would come more and more later on, there was no time like the present. After all, I hoped this would be put behind me in a couple years.

I wasn't naïve enough to think it would take a couple weeks let alone a couple months to get over Dimitri. I loved him too much, and a pain so great would take long to erase from my now fragile heart. Kind of like being paralysed took a while to recover if you ever did. The same situation applied to my heart.

I folded up the letter in three and stuffed it in the envelope, pressing a kiss to my fingers then to the front of the envelope where I had written his name. My last goodbye.

**DPOV**

After being verbally degraded by my sister, and physically, I lay motionless on the ground. My mind was blank and all I felt was pain and a dull ache. So told me to get a clue. I was going to if it was the last thing on this earth. I was going to get my Roza back, and nothing was going to stop me. I would make her see that I still loved her and it was all a lie. And in less than a week because I knew once we returned to Court, all chances were gone.

I turned my head when I heard footsteps approach. Through blurry eyes I saw the woman that I loved so much too. But a different kind of love. She kneeled next to me and stroked my face, wiping away tears that I hadn't realized had fallen.

"Oh my boy," Mama whispered as she pulled me up and hugged me. I buried my head in her chest liked I used to when I was a little boy. Those moments were extremely rare but Mama had always been there for me. Like the time when Ivan died. She had held me for god knows how long and the same was going to happen here.

"I lost her Mama, I lost her." I cried. "Now I can't get her back."

"Dimka what happened? What did you say to her? The girl came down with red puffy eyes even though she tried to hide them."

Oh God, I'd finally broken Rose and for that I'd never forgive myself. I'd made her cry. In all the time I knew her, Rose has never cried except for when Mason died.

"Mama I never meant to, I just love her so much and after what I did to her, she doesn't deserve to hurt by me again."

Dimitri, you're hurting her either way. By pushing her away and something else, I can't see it quite clearly. And you're hurting too. Why don't you just end this all?"

It was simple; she made it sound that way. But until she was truly in my situation she would never understand no matter how much she loved and cared for me. No matter how much she was my mother.

"You don't understand Mama, what I did to her, it was horrible."

"What was that my boy?"

"I-I drank from her," Admitting that to her and quite frankly myself aloud for the first time since it had happened, made my heart stop really. The full impact of impact hadn't really hit until now.

She sighed and pulled me closer. "And now you cannot forgive yourself but she has forgiven you. You don't think she deserves you do you?"

I shook my head erratically no. "Dimitri Belikov, that girl has forgiven all that you have done, has only looked at you with love, has been there for you, and has travelled to the ends of the world to save _you. _ Only you, if that's not love then what is?"

"I love her Mama, I do. She's the only one who's made me feel this way, the only one for me. I know. And I know she loves me but I can't hurt her again."

"You will not hurt that girl again, not by loving her. The only thing hurting her right now is you staying away from her. Why won't you allow yourself to love again?"

"I'm guilty Mama; I told her that my love faded."

"Oh Dimka, you foolish boy. Why?"

"Because…because…"

"I know. Now, I won't stand to see either of you hurting anymore. See this is what you're going to do. You're going to go and win that girl back. Because both of you deserve this and you both need each other's love."

She pulled my face to hers and pressed a kiss to my forehead, smoothing my hair back like she always did when I was younger. Her eyebrows twisted in confusion after she noticed and rubbed the bruise forming around my eye and cheek bone.

"How did this happen?" Mama said, her medical training taking over. And maternal instincts.

"Vika."

"Oh yes, I heard. She was quite loud but she did knock some sense into you right?" I nodded. "Good for her. Now I want you to go up to Roza and apologize to her, and tell her how much you love her. It won't happen all at once. Lord knows I know but she'll forgive you bit by bit and she'll come back to you. "

"Yes Mama." She patted my head once more and we both got up, walking inside. She stopped me at the kitchen for a quick second to give me a towel wrapped bag of ice to put on my face, then shooed me out of the kitchen.

**RPOV**

The final step to my plan needed to be put into place. For me to fully forget. Yeva had agreed to help me on this, although I did not disclose the content of this step I knew she knew what I had to do.

It was fairly simple; I was going to do something I'm sure I'll never regret, but have many sorrow filled days about, and Yeva was to intercept Dimitri so I could get away.

I leaned against the wall, the one behind the kitchen and farthest away from the stairs and waited to pounce. When I caught a whiff of the scent that made me falter so many times, I vowed to myself that I would be the one to break things off. I would be the one to decide how much more my heart could take. I hated this feeling; it made me fragile and weak. And that was something I never wanted to do.

I heard him approach before I saw him. Light footsteps bounced off the hardwood floors in that familiar walking rhythm that I had come to memorize. His left foot was a bit quicker in stepping than his right foot. I waited until he was at the corner where the two walls met before I stepped out, right in front of him.

To say he was surprised would be an understatement. I took a minute to study him; this would be the final time I looked into his eyes, the final time I ran my fingers through his hair, the final time our lips would touch.

"Roza-" He began. I took a deep breath and before losing all my confidence, I grabbed his chin, and pulled his head down to meet mine that I had brought up. Our lips meet in the softest of touches yet, and my arms locked around his neck, fingers tangling in his hair.

Dimitri was taken aback by shock at my bold action but responded not a second later. His lips moved with mine, slow, soft and loving. Far off, I heard a thunk, and realized Dimitri must have dropped his ice pack. His arms found purchase around my waist, one hand resting gently on my hip.

He spun us around so my back was flush against the wall and I pressed my body impossibly closer to his; wanting to feel that fit like a jigsaw puzzle. My hands unwound from his neck, to slowly trail down the sides of his face, memorizing the feel of his skin, enjoying it one last time.

My hands kept trailing down until they were rested firmly on his chest; my fingers splayed wide for more access. The steady beat of his heart vibrated through my fingers and warmed my soul. It was now his turn as his removed one hand and brought it up to my face.

As he stroked my cheek ever so lightly, goosebumps arose all over my skin and it prickled whenever our skin brushed together. The kiss picked up in intensity but never once became more of a desperate need. It was a slow burning passion igniting both of us to newer levels.

I never wanted it to stop, and from the feel of it, Dimitri held the same sense of mind I held. But I feared if I didn't pull away now, I would be anchored to him, destined for that same hurt, not able to leave and move on. I always knew he would be tied to me like an anchor to my soul, but what I didn't want was the baggage that came with it.

Ever so slowly I pulled my lips away from his, until they were barely touching but I could still feel him giving me butterfly kisses, feathering them all over my face and lips. I let it go on for a little while longer, running my fingers through his silky hair one last time. When he leaned down again, I let myself get lost in the moment if only for a second. I brushed his lips once with mine and pulled away.

His eyes were still closed and he was still breathing heavily, me too. "I'm so sorry," I said; scarcely even a whisper, the words hard to choke up. With that same barely there voice, even quieter if possible I whispered, "I'll always love you."

With silent tears running down my eyes, I headed for the stairs, glad that Dimitri hadn't followed me. Now that that was done, I met Yeva halfway up the steps and nodded to her. When I grabbed what I needed I headed out, looked back at the face that would be forever part of me, and thought _I never thought we'd have a last kiss. _

**DPOV**

My mind was still reeling from that kiss when I almost didn't hear her say 'I am so sorry' and 'I will always love you'. I took a minute to recollect myself, hoping she wasn't gone by the time I opened my eyes. But knowing that I had already lost her, I prepared to go chase her, and make her mine again. I approached the stairs and bumped into someone literally. I looked down and saw that it was Babushka. She looked at me with disappointment in her eyes I cowed under her.

"Babushka," I began but she interrupted me with a hand to my face.

"I have an idiot of a grandson. She's gone to you." She put her hand on my arm and pushed lightly. "And watch where you're going." I sidestepped for her to pass through the narrow staircase.

I pondered her words for a minute. She had said Roza was gone to me. Did she mean that literally or figuratively? It would most likely be the latter, I didn't expect Rose just to up and leave but after what I had done to her? Maybe I had pushed her past her breaking point. Maybe I pushed her too far out, too far out to ever come back. But what we had just done gave me an inkling that feelings still remained, on both parts.

With that realization, I was running up the stairs, taking three at a time until I got to the third level, where Vika's room was. I had seen my youngest sister on the couch still giving me the evil eye while Mama was preparing my ice so I knew she wasn't in her room.

I knocked a couple times and didn't receive an answer so I tried the knob surprised to find it unlocked. I twisted it and pushed, walking inside.

Yeva was right. There was no sign of Rose, no clothes strewn across the floor. I checked the under the bed, no suitcase either. I could hear my blood pump in my ears as I didn't see any trace of Rose. Louder and louder the sound became more prominent as Vika's ensuite was cleared of all of Rose's toiletries. Hairbrush, makeup, all gone. I closed my eyes, suddenly feeling faint. I stumbled through to the bed, holding the wall for support as I went.

I fell down on the bed and my hand touched something that crinkled under its touch. I picked up saw that it was an envelope, with my written in front in handwriting I knew all too well. Cautiously I opened it and pulled out the paper. I unfolded it and read it.

About three times before it finally sunk in. holding the paper in a death grip, I ran downstairs lightning fast and zipped through all the rooms before yanking open the front door. I walked outside and ran along the perimeter. My heart beat erratically as I saw no sign of her.

Not being able to hold it in anymore, I dropped to me knees right there on the front lawn and felt the tears run down my cheeks. I stared blankly at the ground, my hands in fists at my sides.

"Why? Why Roza?" I sobbed, breaking down. I let out a strangled scream bodies were all around me. A pair of hands tried to pry open one of mine, the one that held the note.

And I finally felt all the pain Rose felt. When I read that note, she opened up to just how much I had hurt her and now all those feelings and emotions thrust themselves onto me. The hands got the note but I didn't care, those words had been burned into my brain, swirling around in my mind making it the only thing I could think of.

_Dimitri, _

_You're the one. The one I have always and will always love. The one for me. I love you with all my heart and soul but I can't take this anymore. I once promised myself that I would never leave your side, right after the cabin. But I'm afraid I can't keep that promise anymore. _

_You've pushed me away so much and I've stood my ground, claiming that I'd get you back. You're never going to come back to me are you? _

_I've did the impossible and brought you back to me, I travelled around the world looking for some way, for some way that you could be restored and when I did find a way, I was ecstatic. Knowing that _I _had finally found a way to save you excited me even further. Now having you praise Lissa because you thought _she _did all the work when all she did was drive a stake through your heart pains me because it was _I, _who did all the work. I hunted you down, but in the end you got Lissa. _

_You claim that your time as a strigoi will never make you feel any emotions again. That's wrong because I know someone deep down lies the old Dimitri who loved me. When you told me your love had faded, my world came crashing down on me. _

_You said you're not the same but I beg to differ. You made grief my chief emotion. I hurt so much for you and what do you do to repay me? You push me away even further and cause me more hurt. _

_Well no longer. I've said it over and over again. I have forgiven you for all that you did to me, it wasn't you. It never was. Who you are is not where you've been. You're still an innocent. You did some things you can't speak of, but at night you live it all again. What you've done is not who you are, you're still an innocent. It's okay, life is a tough crowd, but you're innocent. _

_And I prayed to God you heard me all along. But you haven't. Words, how little they mean when you're a little too late. I'm trying to fix it, to fix us, could you just try to listen? But you hang up, give up, because for the life of us we can't get us back. What we had – a beautiful magic love there. _

_Never ever thought I'd see it break. Never thought I'd see us break. Never thought I'd see it..._

_And it's hurt me so much because I love you with all I have. If you're reading this, it means I'm long gone. And most likely by this time tomorrow, I'll be too far away. Please don't try to look for me. I'd know you would do it for Lissa but part of me hopes that if you do; you'd do it because you still love me. _

_Don't try, you won't find me. I'm sorry. If all goes according to plan, you'll be just a lingering memory that's cloudy, but lingering none the less. You'll still own a part of my heart but I hope to put all the pieces back together someday and never let it break again. For that pain is insufferable. Why'd you do what you thought you had to do?_

_Now I don't know what to be without you around. And we know it's never simple, never easy. Never a clean break, there's no one here to save me. You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand, and I can't breathe without you but I have to. _

_And I'm done hoping that we can work it out, I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels, letting you drag my heart around. I'm done thinking that you could ever change. I know my heart will never be the same, but I'm telling myself I'll be okay. Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger. I'm not giving you an hour or a second or another minute longer. I'm busy getting stronger._

_You'll have new Septembers; every one of us has messed up too. But I hope you remember, today is never too late to be brand new. I hope you remember that I'll always love you. Smile more, it's a good look on you and I loved whenever I got one. _

_I love you Dimitri Belikov. And I hope you know that. But I gotta get back and breathe the old air in; I gotta get back to me without you._

_Rose _

**A/N- Hope you all liked! I hope I didn't disappoint! Please review and tell me what you liked or didn't…**

**Thanks to **Roselyn Belikov-Malfoy, Dhampir (Guest), guardians (guest), Guest, Guest, Me (guest), Guest, rainbows are real, Ginevra Annabeth Herondale, BruntteGuardian, Iolanthe Ivashkov, Dimka's chick, rosedragomir6, XxxRosmitrixxX, hiseask17, Guest, Kautia, roza m belicova, gcgemz, katkitty05, and Abigael Ryan **for reviewing! Sorry I couldn't answer your reviews, I loved every single one of them though. Thanks to everyone who put this story on their favourite and follow list, and have also put me on their favourite and follow lists. This is dedicated to you! **

**Nice and quick update for y'all, don't know when the next one will be so enjoy this one…just don't hate me for ending it like that! And for readers of The Notes Of My Heart, an update will be soon, I'm almost done writing it. **

**Until next time, **

**SarahBelikova**


	4. Chapter 4

**Heyo guys! I'm sorry to say this is not an update but a request. I've just completed one of my fics, The Notes of My Heart and done some recent thinking. 4 stories on my plate is a little much to handle now so I'm asking you guys, to choose which one I should focus on. Don't worry, all outstanding stories will be finished in their due time but I'm finding it easier to stick with one for now, finish it and then start a new one. **

**Please cast your vote on which story you'd like to see finished first. The options are,** It Doesn't Always Go According To Plan, He Loves Me He Loves Me Not and Stolen**. You can vote in two ways, leave a review on the fic that you'd want to see be done first or head over to my profile to vote on the poll. The poll ends in two weeks on Thursday. **

**After I've received your requests, it'll take me a while to get the next chapter of whatever it may be up. Some serious stuff has happened and it's gonna take a while to get my life back on track. But I plan for the ending of this month, beginning of November. Thanks for your cooperation and sticking with me so far, it means a lot to me! *insert heart here is FF let me***

**Thanks again guys!**

**Sarah**


End file.
